Hikaru no Tutu
by Tuulikki
Summary: Why Hikaru should avoid ballet. Crackiest thing I've written for a while. Or ever.


**Hikaru no Tutu**

He was standing in the middle of some strange empty room that didn't have any distinguishing characteristics at all, vaguely thinking that he was a little hungry and could have some ramen. Then, without a warning, a door burst open, and Akira Touya strode in.

"Shindou! You're late!"

He blinked. Stared. Blinked again. "_Why_... are you dressed like that?" he asked slowly. This, of course, was a question that was on his mind almost every time he met Touya, but this time he felt he was entitled to voice it.

"What do you mean?" Touya exclaimed, eyes blazing. He pointed a finger. "Why aren't _you_ dressed, that's the question!"

"Me? I don't know what..." His voice faded away when he saw what Touya was pointing at. "No way! You can't be serious!"

There was a clothes rack in the room (how hadn't he noticed it before?) and on it hung a pink tutu.

He backed away. "No," he repeated. "You might be crazy, but I'm not."

"Whatever." Touya grasped his arm with one hand and the tutu with the other. "We're late, start moving."

Touya dragged him out of the room, and to his surprise he saw that the door led to a wide stage. A spotlight flashed on, aimed at him.

"Hikaruuu!" he heard a familiar voice wailing. Sure enough, Sai was there, floating around above the stage. For some reason, he wasn't holding his fan but a conductor's baton. "Why aren't you dressed? You'll ruin my ballet!"

"_Your_ _ballet?_ What the heck are you talking about?"

"Oh, it's going to be wonderful!" Sai whirled around in the air before coming to a stop in front of him. "There'll be beautiful princesses and brave princes and terrifying dragons and wise go-players who'll save them all, and it'll be just _perfect_! But you got to dress up if you're going to be the White Swan."

"Well, I'm not!" He hurled the tutu on the floor. "Besides, I couldn't be a white swan in a _pink_ tutu, could I?"

"You could be the Pink Swan, then," Sai stated, touching his lips thoughtfully with the baton. "Yes, that would work."

"No, it wouldn't! I don't know what's the matter with you, but I'm out of here!" He turned on his heels and started to march out, but suddenly saw that he was facing the entire insei group, Waya, Isumi, Fuku and his other friends among them, all of them dressed in tutus.

"Don't be such a killjoy, Shindou!" Waya exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Nase shook her finger at him. "We've been waiting so long for this chance, to dance as _corps de ballet_!"

He could just stand there, dumbfounded, and blink. "Corp...? What?"

"Shindou." Touya stepped forward, facing him levelly. "I need to have my rival here. This ballet won't work if there is only the Black Swan in it."

He wanted to blink again, but he felt like he'd been doing it quite a lot lately, so instead he just closed his eyes. (Only now he realized Touya's tutu was black. Some small part of his mind wondered why _Touya_ got black, and _he _pink, but he pushed the thought aside. There were greater worries.)

"Pink Swan, Pink Swan, Pink Swan..." he heard people chanting, and when he opened his eyes he saw everyone was circling around him in that weird tiptoeing way of ballerinas, hands raised above their heads. "Pink Swan, Pink Swan, Pink Swan!"

"Let me out of here!" he shrieked, breaking out of the circle. Right then the lights suddenly turned off and he was left in complete dark.

He froze. Listened carefully. He couldn't hear the group that had been around him just a moment ago, but there _was_ someone there, breathing in the dark.

"No need to let the young ones take the world yet!" someone declared in a cackling voice. "I will be the Pink Swan!"

The spotlight turned on.

Hikaru bolted up in his bed and screamed.

"Hikaru? Hikaru? Did you have a nightmare?" Sai was bent over him, worried.

"You can bet I did!" he groaned, holding his head. "What's _wrong_ with my brain?"

"That bad, huh?" Sai asked sympathetically. Hikaru just shook his head and sank back down on his bed.

"It's all mom's fault," he muttered. "Why did she had to drag me to that stupid ballet..."

"I thought it was lovely," Sai said, and he shot a glare at the ghost.

"If you ever, _ever_," he said with great emphasis, "get the brilliant idea to direct a ballet, leave me out of it. In fact, don't even mention the word ballet to me, or you'll regret it." He drew the covers over his head leaving the ghost to ponder, and not for the first time, what a shame it was he couldn't follow the boy's dreams.

**THE END**

* * *

><p>...this needs some kind of an explanation, right? Eh. For one thing, it's late. I'm tired. That's my excuse for writing this. Other than that... well, there's this unfinished HikagoPrincess Tutu crossover* I've been writing, and (as usual with my stories) it's still untitled. I've been thinking about it as "Hikaru no Tutu", and although it's not any kind of a _crack_ story, that title brings weird things to my mind... and now, as I mentioned, it's late, I'm tired, and I caved in and wrote it. Might regret this tomorrow, so I got to post this here right now.

There are some characters in Hikago I _could_ see dancing ballet (like Touya. Oh, the passion!) and some... well, let's just say that Kuwabara + ballet is such a freaky combination that I thought it best not to quite write it out. I'm sorry if the thought scarred you. I wonder if I should raise the rating...

Yeah. I think I'd better get myself offline and to bed, now.

* Edited to add that I've now finished and posted that Hikago/Tutu crossover. It goes by the name _Kapitel des Geistes_ (no worries, it's in English). No crack, there, and you don't have to be familiar with _Princess Tutu_ to read it. [/ad]


End file.
